The Wondfull and Glorious Time I Spent with Dame Elizabeth Taylor!

Ummm....sorry folks, I got nothin'.

I never met her. I never, by choice, saw a movie with her in it.

I liked her eyebrows. 

Thank you for making America aware of AIDS.

This has been a shameless plug to attract people to my blog. 

It really is not that bad of a blog. It may be a bit scientific for you, it maybe a bit too political for you. 

But your just a punk and you have no clue what is good for you anyways!

If you don't eat fiber, you fill up with shit till you explode.

I really got to stop hanging with the tea bags!

Steve 

Rest Peacefully!

 

Related articles

• "Live -- Elizabeth Taylor Funeral Arrivals" and related posts (tmz.com)

Crazy Old Man My Life in Pictures

This is the day I was born.

I have always been a little shit!

My parents.

My mother had nice knees because she never had to kneel.

Dad used to walk around making me balance on his hand.

He never caught me if I fell but lucky for me, I usually landed on mom.

We didn't have much money and this was my babysitter when my parents went to Vegas every month. Sometimes they threw some corn on the ground so I could play chicken.

School was great!

Everyone had such fun.

The girls would sleep on the floor as the teachers danced around them.

Then the boys would have to lay on the girls and we played Blanket.

Later, we all got PHD's and played doctor.

I was such a horny little man.

One day I heard a voice say "Never More"

Me and the boys put on our cool duds and went cruising for chicks.

We all were so hot!

I mean, literally, we were roasting on that fuck'n sidewalk! We are Penguins after all.

This is me and my first chick!

I HAD to give her a ring before she would put out.

She was kinky though, she made me wear woman's shoes.

Boy, I needed that smoke!

 That chick...she was a load of chicken crap! 
Our relationship laid an egg!

So here I am after I dumped that chick.

Look at me! Mr. Cool, meet Mr. Relaxed!

Ain't life grand? 
(Cough)

But I soon grew lonely and I was on the hunt again.

These are my bitches. I numbered them to tell them apart.

They weren't much in the face department but those gams! Yummy!

(I think #6 may have been a man.)

Here I am on a date. I was such a boner! 
Eat your heart out Geoff!
Oh, I forgot, you don't have one.

Well, I narrowed my bitches down to one of these two princesses...

Being that I was going to get married, I got me a good job as a train horn. 

That's me on the bottom left.

A few years later, I was replaced by a train whistler.

One of my princesses came to me 
and said she could not marry me,

for she has been bitten by this mosquito 
and that she had bitten him back. 

As those French say, A reservoir to her!

Finally, the happy day arrived and we were married.

This picture is from our wedding night. Please note that I was wearing protection.

We killed the rabbit.

These woman wanted me to help 
them with their bunny problems too.

We had a little girl. 
She is an all American girl! 
We named her Sarah.

We also had a little boy. 
His name was Bob.

This is our last picture of Bob.
Taken just as Sarah popped a cap in his ass
and he exploded.

I came home late one foggy night. I had just tossed my cards on the floor.

I had been out, diddling with a little French Horny.

I saw my wife's pussy and got a bone but she had cotton coming out of her ears.

As she sang ♫♪ La-La-De-LA-LA-LA ♪♫

 She kicked my pickle, hard, and divorced me.

So that has been my life. 

As you can see,

I am still picking up chicks,

though at our age,

there is a tiny bit 

of that middle age spread.

Steve

Everglades Pythons win. Get your alligator hunting permit here.

You big bunch of sissy Rambo's!

Do you know how many pythons were successfully hunted this past year?

Zero!...Nada!....None!

WTF!

You couldn't catch a python if it slithered out your big wazoo!

All mouth and no python boots for you!

Well my chaps, 

for I know what you wearing,

Redemption time is neigh!

Florida Gator Hunting  permits go on sale June 3!

The alligator hunting season runs 11 consecutive weeks from Aug. 15 through Nov. 1.

Approximately 6,000 alligator harvest permits will be available.

Winners will be selected in a random drawing.

All those seeking a harvest permit must be at least 18 years old by Aug. 15. 

A permit allows the harvest of two alligators on a designated area.

Successful applicants must pay for an alligator trapping license and two alligator harvest tags, or provide proof of a valid alligator trapping license (must be valid through Nov. 1) and pay the fee for two harvest tags. No other hunting licenses are required. 

The cost for a resident alligator trapping license and alligator harvest tags is $271.50, and nonresidents pay $1,021.50. 

The cost for each additional alligator hunting permit is $61.50, regardless of residency. 

The FWC offers a no-cost, three-hour training and orientation program in July and August at various locations throughout the state. Permit holders will receive, by mail, permit packages listing dates and locations.

Lets see if you mighty hunters can pull this hunt off?

I need new gator boots!

Steve

Pay attention to your surroundings you morrons

WTF is wrong with you people?

I am on an elevator. The doors open and there you are! Standing right in front of the door as it opens. You begin to rush into the car as I try to exit. Oblivious to my presence.

What would you do? WWJD? LSMFT?

Do you let them push you back in?
Do you stand there and let them squeeze by you?
Do you push them away as you exit?

My second choice is to stand motionless and let them try to sqeeze by.

My fist choice, when I am able, which is often, is to leave the essence of that 7 bean taco I ate as a midnight snack. Really...I'm old, I fart...therefore I am an old fart! Use it or lose it!

Then there are those people that, after they enter a building, they stop and stand there. Oblivious to all others that wish to enter or exit the building. I would like to ask them what they are thinking but I know that they are not. If you are an old fart, you are allowed to hit them with your shopping cart.

Pay attention to your surroundings. You share this planet with billions of other people.

You are not the sun with everyone else orbiting your Holiness.

You are just another turd in the septic tank, you piece of shit!

Steve