Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Crazy Old Man My Life in Pictures

This is the day I was born.
I have always been a little shit!

My parents.
My mother had nice knees because she never had to kneel.
Dad used to walk around making me balance on his hand.
He never caught me if I fell but lucky for me, I usually landed on mom.

We didn't have much money and this was my babysitter when my parents went to Vegas every month. Sometimes they threw some corn on the ground so I could play chicken.

School was great!
Everyone had such fun.
The girls would sleep on the floor as the teachers danced around them.
Then the boys would have to lay on the girls and we played Blanket.
Later, we all got PHD's and played doctor.

I was such a horny little man.
One day I heard a voice say "Never More"

Me and the boys put on our cool duds and went cruising for chicks.
We all were so hot!
I mean, literally, we were roasting on that fuck'n sidewalk! We are Penguins after all.

This is me and my first chick!
I HAD to give her a ring before she would put out.
She was kinky though, she made me wear woman's shoes.
Boy, I needed that smoke!

 That chick...she was a load of chicken crap! 
Our relationship laid an egg!
So here I am after I dumped that chick.
Look at me! Mr. Cool, meet Mr. Relaxed!
Ain't life grand? 

But I soon grew lonely and I was on the hunt again.
These are my bitches. I numbered them to tell them apart.
They weren't much in the face department but those gams! Yummy!
(I think #6 may have been a man.)

Here I am on a date. I was such a boner! 
Eat your heart out Geoff!
Oh, I forgot, you don't have one.

Well, I narrowed my bitches down to one of these two princesses...

Being that I was going to get married, I got me a good job as a train horn. 
That's me on the bottom left.
A few years later, I was replaced by a train whistler.

One of my princesses came to me 
and said she could not marry me,
for she has been bitten by this mosquito 
and that she had bitten him back. 
As those French say, A reservoir to her!

Finally, the happy day arrived and we were married.
This picture is from our wedding night. Please note that I was wearing protection.

We killed the rabbit.
These woman wanted me to help 
them with their bunny problems too.

We had a little girl. 
She is an all American girl! 
We named her Sarah.

We also had a little boy. 
His name was Bob.
This is our last picture of Bob.
Taken just as Sarah popped a cap in his ass
and he exploded.

I came home late one foggy night. I had just tossed my cards on the floor.
I had been out, diddling with a little French Horny.
I saw my wife's pussy and got a bone but she had cotton coming out of her ears.
As she sang ♫♪ La-La-De-LA-LA-LA ♪♫

 She kicked my pickle, hard, and divorced me.

So that has been my life. 
As you can see,
I am still picking up chicks,
though at our age,
there is a tiny bit 
of that middle age spread.

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