Number One United States Leads The World!

#1 The United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world and the largest total prison population on the entire globe. Thanks to the "War on Drugs" one half of Americas prisoners are incarcerated for Marijuana use.

#2 According to NationMaster.com, the United States has the highest percentage of obese people in the world. Thanks to our fast food and zero healthy eating instructions.

#3 The United States has the highest divorce rate on the globe by a wide margin. We just can't live up to that stylized TV and movie lifestyles.

#4 The United States is tied with the U.K. for the most hours of television watched per person each week. Reding iz fundermantial.

#5 The United States has the highest rate of illegal drug use on the entire planet. When people are told they can't, they will plus we can afford it.

#6 There are more car thefts in the United States each year than anywhere else in the world by far. A lot more cars to steal and unemployed people with nothing to do.

#7 There are more reported rapes in the United States each year than anywhere else in the world. That's reported. Many country do not keep adequate records. Still no excuse for rape , anytime, anywhere, either sex.

#8 There are more reported murders in the United States each year than anywhere else in the world. Shot first and run.

#9 There are more total crimes in the United States each year than anywhere else in the world.It's a job these days.

#10 The United States also has more police officers than anywhere else in the world. We need to be kept in line for the wealthy.

#11 The United States spends much more on health care as a percentage of GDP than any other nation on the face of the earth. And we rank 37th in the world?

#12 The United States has more people on pharmaceutical drugs than any other country on the planet. A happy population is a docile population.

#13 The percentage of women taking antidepressants in America is higher than in any other country in the world. Stepford wives wanted.

#14 Americans have more student loan debt than anyone else in the world. You need a job to pay your loan.

#15 More pornography is created in the United States than anywhere else on the entire globe.  89 percent is made in the U.S.A. and only 11 percent is made in the rest of the world. Go listen to ♪♫ California Girls ♫♪ by the Beachboys.

#16 The United States has the largest trade deficit in the world every single year.  Between December 2000 and December 2010, the United States ran a total trade deficit of 6.1 trillion dollars with the rest of the world, and the U.S. has had a negative trade balance every single year since 1976. This is where your job went.

#17 The United States spends 7 times more on the military than any other nation on the planet does.  In fact, U.S. military spending is greater than the military spending of China, Russia, Japan, India, and the rest of NATO combined. Lets see, we spend $4Trillion off the books for wars and now we are in debt for $4Trillion so logically the poor and middle class are being made to pay for Republican hostility.

#18 The United States has far more foreign military bases than any other country does. We leave a piece behind after every war. I project that in 100 years, we will have a military base in every country.

#19 The United States has the most complicated tax system in the entire world. Tax loop holes for the rich and for corporations. Every one including corporations would pay a simple 5% tax, we would have no deficit.

#20 The U.S. has accumulated the biggest national debt that the world has ever seen and it is rapidly getting worse.  Right now, U.S. government debt is expanding at a rate of $40,000 per second. It was not this way in the Clinton era.

Bush spent it.

Obama is blamed for it.

So are you convinced that we are in trouble yet?

Steve

I, the Michele Bachman, hereby Announce my Candidacy for President of the United States!

My heartfelt views are as follows.

THE ECONOMY:

The deficit. “I think if we give Glenn Beck the numbers, he can solve the national debt.” I will appoint Mr. Beck to be the economics czar! He will fix it in a week!

Abolish the minimum wage. “Literally, if we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” I am sure I could get people to fight over a job paying $5 a day!

Jobs: If we cut the taxes of the rich and corporations, the rich will continue to remain employed! 

''I don't know where they're going to get all this money because we're running out of rich people in this country.'' 

THE WAR:

"Visiting Iraq is like a trip to Mall of America! There is marble and water everywhere." Mission Accomplished!

THE HEALTH:

“Normalization” of homosexuality would lead to “desensitization”

 ‘Do you know that the music for The Lion King movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.”

Gay singers should repent after getting cancer.

"And what a bizarre time we're in, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it."

''Does that mean that someone's 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus? That night, mom and dad are never the wiser.'' 

 

''Death panels are the bureaucracies that President Obama is establishing where bureaucrats will make the decision on who gets health care and how much.

THE SCIENCE:  

"I don't think I give as much credence to my own mind, because I see myself as being very limited and very flawed, and lacking in knowledge and wisdom and understanding. So, I just take the Bible for what it is, I guess, and recognize that I am not a scientist, not trained to be a scientist. I'm not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I'm not a scientist." They try to blind me with science!

“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”

''Carbon dioxide is natural, it is not harmful, it is a part of Earth's life cycle. And yet we're being told that we have to reduce this natural substance, reduce the American standard of living, to create an arbitrary reduction in something that is naturally occurring in Earth.'' 

“There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design."

THE HISTORY:

 

''But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. ... I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our for-bearers who worked tirelessly -- men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.'' I am smarter than Palin even though the founding fathers did not fight against slavery nor was Adams a founding father, opps.

THE CULTURE:

"Not all cultures are equal." If you are not white and male, your nothing!

"Congressional liberals ought to be subject to "an expose" by the media because of their views." Conservatives do not need to be exposed and anyone that does not think just the way I do is a hieratic!

So I say to you, who is the greatest person in the land?

ME!

Who is will be the greatest president of all times, except for god?

ME!

You must vote for me to save us from you!

''What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing.'' 

“I have experienced that throughout my political career, being labeled a kook"

Sincerely

President for life (crossing my fingers)

Michele Bachmann

 

 

Steve

*sigh*

The Wondfull and Glorious Time I Spent with Dame Elizabeth Taylor!

Ummm....sorry folks, I got nothin'.

I never met her. I never, by choice, saw a movie with her in it.

I liked her eyebrows. 

Thank you for making America aware of AIDS.

This has been a shameless plug to attract people to my blog. 

It really is not that bad of a blog. It may be a bit scientific for you, it maybe a bit too political for you. 

But your just a punk and you have no clue what is good for you anyways!

If you don't eat fiber, you fill up with shit till you explode.

I really got to stop hanging with the tea bags!

Steve 

Rest Peacefully!

 

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Crazy Old Man My Life in Pictures

This is the day I was born.

I have always been a little shit!

My parents.

My mother had nice knees because she never had to kneel.

Dad used to walk around making me balance on his hand.

He never caught me if I fell but lucky for me, I usually landed on mom.

We didn't have much money and this was my babysitter when my parents went to Vegas every month. Sometimes they threw some corn on the ground so I could play chicken.

School was great!

Everyone had such fun.

The girls would sleep on the floor as the teachers danced around them.

Then the boys would have to lay on the girls and we played Blanket.

Later, we all got PHD's and played doctor.

I was such a horny little man.

One day I heard a voice say "Never More"

Me and the boys put on our cool duds and went cruising for chicks.

We all were so hot!

I mean, literally, we were roasting on that fuck'n sidewalk! We are Penguins after all.

This is me and my first chick!

I HAD to give her a ring before she would put out.

She was kinky though, she made me wear woman's shoes.

Boy, I needed that smoke!

 That chick...she was a load of chicken crap! 
Our relationship laid an egg!

So here I am after I dumped that chick.

Look at me! Mr. Cool, meet Mr. Relaxed!

Ain't life grand? 
(Cough)

But I soon grew lonely and I was on the hunt again.

These are my bitches. I numbered them to tell them apart.

They weren't much in the face department but those gams! Yummy!

(I think #6 may have been a man.)

Here I am on a date. I was such a boner! 
Eat your heart out Geoff!
Oh, I forgot, you don't have one.

Well, I narrowed my bitches down to one of these two princesses...

Being that I was going to get married, I got me a good job as a train horn. 

That's me on the bottom left.

A few years later, I was replaced by a train whistler.

One of my princesses came to me 
and said she could not marry me,

for she has been bitten by this mosquito 
and that she had bitten him back. 

As those French say, A reservoir to her!

Finally, the happy day arrived and we were married.

This picture is from our wedding night. Please note that I was wearing protection.

We killed the rabbit.

These woman wanted me to help 
them with their bunny problems too.

We had a little girl. 
She is an all American girl! 
We named her Sarah.

We also had a little boy. 
His name was Bob.

This is our last picture of Bob.
Taken just as Sarah popped a cap in his ass
and he exploded.

I came home late one foggy night. I had just tossed my cards on the floor.

I had been out, diddling with a little French Horny.

I saw my wife's pussy and got a bone but she had cotton coming out of her ears.

As she sang ♫♪ La-La-De-LA-LA-LA ♪♫

 She kicked my pickle, hard, and divorced me.

So that has been my life. 

As you can see,

I am still picking up chicks,

though at our age,

there is a tiny bit 

of that middle age spread.

Steve

Republicans Hate Women! Do You Care?

Image via Wikipedia

Are Republicans so uptight about sex that they hate women? Do they believe what the bible says about women? Ya betcha!

Of course, because they hate women, they also hate children, after they leave the womb of course.

1) Republicans not only want to reduce womens access to abortion care, they’re actually trying to redefine rape. After a major backlash, they promised to stop. But they haven’t yet. Republicans don't believe in the concept of rape since their cock is God's gift to women.

2) A state legislator in Georgia wants to change the legal term for victims of rape, stalking, and domestic violence to “accuser.” But victims of other less gendered crimes, like burglary, would remain “victims.” Republicans believe women constantly lie and they are for the pleasure of men and their abuse as warranted.

3) In South Dakota, Republicans proposed a bill that could make it legal to murder a doctor who provides abortion care. Republicans will argue that the Constitution gives them the right to shoot doctors.

4) Republicans want to cut nearly a billion dollars of food and other aid to low-income pregnant women, mothers, babies, and kids. Republicans believe that when "it" is no longer a fetus, fuck it.

5) In Congress, Republicans have a bill that would let hospitals allow a woman to die rather than perform an abortion necessary to save her life. Republicans could care less if you die. Your just another dead bitch to them.

6) Maryland Republicans ended all county money for a low-income kids’ preschool program. Why? No need, they said. Women should really be home with the kids, not out working. Republicans believe that women take too many jobs away from men.

7) And at the federal level, Republicans want to cut that same program, Head Start, by $1 billion. That means over 200,000 kids could lose their spots in preschool. Republicans say "Keep children stupid for ease of control".

8) Two-thirds of the elderly poor are women, and Republicans are taking aim at them too. A spending bill would cut funding for employment services, meals, and housing for senior citizens. In other words, Republicans will fuck their own grandmother.

9) Congress just voted for a Republican amendment to cut all federal funding from Planned Parenthood health centers, one of the most trusted providers of basic health care and family planning in our country. Republicans need more slave labor.

10) And if that wasn’t enough, Republicans are pushing to eliminate all funds for the only federal family planning program for humans. But Republican Dan Burton has a bill to provide contraception for wild horses. Republicans like the idea of big, juicy, throbbing horse cocks.

So I leave you with one question.....What are you going to do about it, punked ass? 

Steve